I hate myself for falling for you
I don’t display emotion, positive or negative, when I’m talking about things that have happened that effect me or my world.
Apparently, when someone has a head space like mine, it’s not uncommon, but it’s also not usually as bad as me.Apparently I also need to try stop it, because it’s causing me damage.
I’m so emotionally unavailable and numb that I can’t relate myself to what’s happening to me. It’s like my whole life is just something I’m watching and I’m a third party peering from the outside in.
I don’t know how to make my life mine again though… For the passed almost 2 years, I’ve watched my life like a TV show. I’m scared to and I don’t know how to stop watching and start living.
I don’t want to deal with it. And I don’t know if I can deal with it.
My life is too much like a sitcom, to much drama, pain. People actually say a TV show could be based around my life.
I live in a shit life, that I’m not really living and instead just watching.
If I had a drink for every fuck I give I’d be one sober mother fucker, but if I had a drink for every fuck I gave about her, I’d be intoxicated forever. I’d drink myself to death.